possibility.
Big or Small, Rejection Affects Us All
Rejection doesn't have to be about the big stuff like not getting into
your top college, not making the team, or not getting asked to prom.
Everyday situations can lead to feelings of rejection, too, like if
your joke didn't get a laugh, if no one remembered to save you a seat
at the lunch table, or if the person you really like talks to everyone
but you.
Feeling rejected is the opposite of feeling accepted. But being
rejected (and we all will be at times) doesn't mean someone isn't
liked, valued, or important. It just means that one time, in one
situation, with one person, things didn't work out.
Rejection hurts. But it's impossible to avoid it altogether. In fact,
you don't want to: People who become too afraid of rejection might
hold back from going after something they want. Sure, they avoid
rejection, but they're also 100% guaranteed to miss out on what they
want but won't try for.
1
Have an appropriate grieving period.You are going to feel upset
because of a rejection, whether it's having your manuscript rejected,
an idea rejected at work, being rejected by a potential romantic
partner. You are allowed to be upset about that, and, in fact, it's
healthy for you to give yourself some to time to process and grieve.
*.Take some time out of your life to process the rejection. For
example: if you can take the rest of the day off work, do that. Or if
you were planning on going out that night, stay in and watch a movie
instead. Go for a walk after an upsetting letter rejection, or allow
yourself to binge on that chocolate cake.
*.Make sure that you don't go overboard and spend days sitting in your
house wallowing in your misery. That will only make you feel worse in
the long run.
2
Talk to a trusted friend.Now, this is not to say you get free rein to
shout your pain about the rejection from the rooftops. This will only
tell people (your potential publisher, that girl that you liked, your
boss) that you're whiny and dramatic and can't handle life. So get a
trusted friend/family member or two and talk it over with them. [1]
*.The friend you want is the one who will tell it to you straight.
They can help you sort out what went wrong (if anything; sometimes
there aren't things you can change and you should just let it be).
They can also make sure that you stay on track with your grieving
period so that you don't start wallowing.
*.Avoid getting on social media to air your grievances. The internet
never forgets and when you're trying to get that fab new job, your
employer might check the internet and see that you don't handle
rejection well. No matter how upset or angry you are, just don't.
*.Don't complain too much. Again, you don't want to wallow in the
rejection, otherwise you're going to work yourself up into a state of
righteous (or depressed) fervor. Don't start in about your rejection
every time you're talking with your friend. If you think you've gone
overboard, make sure to ask them "Am I dwelling on this rejection too
much?" If they say yes, adjust accordingly.
3
Accept the rejection early.The earlier you accept the rejection and
attempt to move on from it, the easier a time you're going to have. It
will also mean that you won't let rejections in the future absolutely
flatten you.
*.For example: if you don't get that job you were really hoping for,
allow the appropriate time to be upset and then let it go. It's time
to start looking for something else, or examining what maybe you could
change for the future. It's good to keep in mind that when one thing
doesn't work out, something else usually will and usually in a way you
didn't expect.
4
Do not take rejection personally.Remember that the rejection says
nothing about you as a person. Getting rejected is part of life and it
is not a personal attack. For whatever reason the publisher, the girl,
your boss, wasn't interested in a particular thing.
*.Rejection isn't your fault, per se. The other person (or people) was
rejecting something particular that didn't work forthem. They were
rejecting the request,not you.
*.Remember, they can't reject you as a person because they don't know
you. Even if you've gone on a few dates with someone, that doesn't
mean they know everything about you and are thus rejecting you as a
person. They are rejecting a situation that doesn't work for them.
Respect that.
*.For example: you asked out that girl you really liked, and she said
"no." Does this mean that you are worthless? Does this mean no one
will ever want to date you? No, of course not. She simply isn't
interested in the request (for whatever reason; she could be in a
relationship, she could be not interested in dating, etc.).
5
Do something else.You need to get your mind off the rejection after
the appropriate grieving time. Don't immediately get back to work on
whatever it was that was rejected, because you'll still be dwelling on
the rejection. You need a little space and time from it.
*.For example: say you sent a novel manuscript off to a publisher and
it got rejected. After grieving for a bit, move on to a different
story, or take some time trying your hand at different writing (trying
out poetry, or short stories).
*.Doing something fun can be a great way to get your mind out of the
rejection and to help you other focus. Go out dancing, buy that new
book that you really wanted, take the weekend and go to the beach with
a friend.
*.You cannot let rejection bring your life to a screeching halt,
because you are going to have lots of instances of rejection in your
life (as everyone does). By moving on with your life and doing other
things, you aren't letting rejection run your life.
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